It seems I've been to an emotional rollercoaster. A lot of ups and downs in the past few days.


I'll start talking about the girl. Nothing has happened yet, and I think it's going to be very difficult to happen something anytime soon. Everytime I think I'm getting close to what I want she eventually says something that really hits me. It makes me fall and when I manage to stand up again I notice that I am 10 steps behind from where I was before. So, step by step I manage to get close to her again till something else hits me back. I know I have to keep digging deeper but I'm not sure if I'm strong enough (emotionally) to try for so long. I might be on the right path, but I don't know how further this path goes. And what if this path leads to nothing?


Another thing that happened to me was related to my sister. My lovely sister that you can see in loads of pictures in this site. She was coming here on holidays for the first time alone, as an independent woman. It was a huge step for her and I was so excited about this trip that we've been counting the days since last February. We had lots of plans about this trip and we would have a lot of fun together. Without a doubt!


Well, some stuff happened and she can't come anymore. She wrote me a lovely email explaning me a lot of things. This email made me cry for the first time in ages. It touched me in a way that it made me express a lot of things I have kept for myself during my entire life. So, I wrote her a huge letter. She read it and told me she was relieved, because she had just known she wasn't the only one who felt the same way. Then she said that it was time for her to write something back. Something that I always should have known. Then, the next day I got the letter in my inbox. I read it very carefuly and it made me cry again. But this time I wasn't sad. I just cried because it was the most beautiful thing someone has ever said to me.


Even though we don't live in the same city and even though we only see eachother very rarely, we've always connected in a certain special way. And now, after this episode, I think we are even more connected. Now I'm waiting for her to come as soon as possible, even if this soon is not so soon. It doesn't matter. All I want now is to give her a very strong hug.