While I was feeling down (not that I'm not anymore!) I tried to spend money (that I don't have) on things to try to elevate my state of mind.


I checked eBay for the brand new Bruce Dickinson triple disc DVD since there isn't a Brazilian version of it. Despite of the price, I decided to import it. At the time I thought that my state of mind deserved something expensive. Not mentioning that on the DVD there is the Skunkworks video. Skunkworks is my favorite album of all time, not only because of the music itself but because it was released in a very special moment of my life and everytime I think or listen to Skunkworks, flashes of those times come up to my mind. It's nostalgic, in a very good way.


Anyway, can you believe that the DVD arrived 10 days ago and I didn't watch it? I got it and put it on the shelf with my other DVDs. I was feeling too down to watch it. I was afraid to know if it would fail to achieve its purpose or not. Earlier today I finally put disc 1 on my player. I chose the Skunkworks video from the menu and there I was looking at the screen and looking at the flashes on my mind at the same time. How comforting...


I also spent loads of money on a new monitor for my computer. I finally bought a LCD 17" monitor. I was quite happy for that. Everything looks different now. The pictures, the videos, the films I watch on dvd... Now it gave me another reason for not leaving my desk! Oh God... hehehe


Well, the thing is that spending money wasn't enough. I'm still sad and disatisfied with life. It was worth the try, though.


The brand new Maiden song called "Reincarnation of Benjamin Breeg" has a perfect verse to desribe the way I'm feeling now:


"Someone to save me,
something to save me from myself.

To bring salvation,

to exorcise this hell"


I was talking to her the other day and she asked me: "why don't you save yourslef?" Well, I told her that's what I've been trying for a long, long time without any success. I'm afraid I'll need extra help...